Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you’.
Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you’.
Do you ever look back at a relationship and think, “I thought I loved them, but now I don’t think I did.” This can be because you mistook need for love. We often “need” the person we pair up for various reasons: they meet some needs, they are familiar to us, they help support us (in various ways). It is tough to separate that “need” from love. But when we can be our own, developed, mature, autonomous persons and truly love a person, then we “need” them because we love them, not vice versa.
If you would like to know more about this, give me a call at (619) 702-5571 or email me through my website at CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching- I specialize in helping individuals and couples have healthy relationships with themselves…and with their chosen partners.
Avoid ‘The Four Horsemen’ !
Dr. John Gottman’s research on relationships has lead to his uncovering of 4 predictable relationship killers – he coined them “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. They are Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling & Contempt. This animated video was recently released by The Gottman Institute to explain how the Four Horsemen can really spell trouble for your relationship.
If you’d like to know more, I practice Gottman Method Couples Therapy and would be happy to teach you some more effective ways of communicating with your partner.
Youtube video: The Four Horsemen
As you may know, I practice Gottman Method Couples Counseling. This is a research-based method for helping couples feel closer, decrease physiological reactivity, and communicate in ways successful couples do. When Dr. John Gottman was gathering his research over the last 40 years, he helped couples go from being “Disasters” to “Masters” in the area of successful relationship skills. The following article explains some of the science behind the Masters and Disasters concept.
If you relate to what you read and want to now more, I’d be happy to tell you more about it!
The Science Behind Lasting Relationships