Most marriages start off in a happy place with two people who love one another and who are committed to a life together. However, somewhere along the way, they take a wrong turn and the relationship doesn’t work anymore. What happened? Where did it all go wrong? Can you fix it? At Coaching Through Chaos, we offer counseling to couples in San Diego and across California. The process will help you identify the stressed part of your relationship, and ways to resolve that.
When Do You Need Counseling?
Unfortunately, many couples wait too long before they seek professional help. The longer you avoid the problem, the more difficult it will be to address the issues. One of the most important things you can do for your relationship is to seek help rather than “hope” that things will get better by themselves. Couples, married or not, will argue – that’s normal. But there comes a point when the fighting is indicative of a more serious problem. If you don’t address these problems, it will lead to a loveless marriage or a divorce. Some telltale signs that your relationship is in trouble include:
- Not Communicating: One of the reasons why humans have evolved beyond animals is because we speak. In speaking, we tell each other our intentions and work together towards a common goal. If you find that you and your partner “never talk anymore”, or that one person talks and the other doesn’t listen, then you know you’re heading towards trouble. Sometimes you are afraid to speak because you fear being ridiculed or having your ideas brushed aside. Other times a person may speak but only criticize or degrade their partner. Poor communications will decrease the quality of your relationship.
- Financial, Emotional, Sexual Blackmail: Your relationship is in trouble if you or your partner is withholding money, affection or sex as a way to control or punish the other person. A hallmark of a healthy relationship is one where a couple can share their feelings and be in a consensual sexual relationship. Finances are always an issue especially when there is not enough of it to go around. Couples will argue over how much you can spend and what you can spend it on. Couples disagree on how much sex is “normal”. This type of dispute is normal, but sex, money, and love should not be denied as a form of blackmail.
- Kids and In-Laws: Most couples who have children will argue about how the children are to be raised. It could be something simple like eating one or two scoops of ice cream, or it could be something serious like whether or not they should go to church. The more strict parent usually ends up being the “bad cop” and that may seem unfair. Extended family members can also be a source of stress. Opinionated family members might make one partner feel like s/he is being ganged-up on.
- Pet Peeves and Little Things: Experts agree that the top three things couples argue over are: money, sex, and kids. However, there are a million little things that can irritate you or your partner to the point of distraction. Gestures that seem quaint at the beginning of a relationship can drive you crazy year after years. What happened? Who changed? The answer is that you both changed and in order to maintain a thriving relationship, you need to be willing to do a little work.
Relationships need work to keep them healthy and vibrant. If you feel that your relationship is in a bad place, call Coaching Through Chaos for San Diego Couples and Marriage Counseling. We will give you a safe space where you can express your feelings. We can help you identify the source of your unhappiness and give you strategies to overcome them. With counseling, you will get your relationship back on track! Contact us to begin your journey back together again.