Before you start swiping for love in 2023, I'[ve put together a list of myTop 5 Online Dating Tips to help you navigate the online dating world better. I know it can get frustrating by endlessly swiping and hoping for a different outcome, but Im here to tell you, “You Can Find Love Onine!” Of course you can! People have been doing it for almost 2 decades now, so it’s here to stay. In addition to my 20+ years experience as a therapist with a specialty in relationship dynamics, I always say I was an “early adopter” of online dating. I’ve been there, done that, tried all of the apps. Kknowing what happened when I failed miserably at love and figuring out what I needed to do differently changed my life! I am now with a man I could not imagine living a day without him and I know he feels that way about me.
I always said I was a “Hopeful Romantic”. Being Hopeless, as in “Hopeless Romantic” doesnt get us anywhere. If you relate to the idea of being a “Hopeful Romantic” stick with me. In addition to more online posts about how to find and navigate love more effectively, Im goign to be launching the Dating 911 Podcast: Relationship Advice for the Hopeful Romantic“. Watch for that in late February 2023. In the meantime, let’s get started with my top 5 online dating tips!
Tip #1: Narrow your Dating Pool ~
Quality over Quantity will be your best bet for finding a compatible mate. If you want a serious relationship only, don’t swipe on someone who clearly states they are not looking for anything serious. If you are ambitious and career driven, don’t swipe on someone who says they “go with the flow” or are “finding themselves”. Just like when the real estate listing says, “charming” or “cozy” it’s usually code for “too small” and “in need of updating”, you can look at reading online dating profiles the same way. “I just want a woman I can trust” is code for “I’m going to hold all my past breakups against you”. When you narrow your dating pool to better fit you, you increase your chances of finding someone that suits you. You are not being “too picky” by being very specific about what you want in your profile- it’s imperative that you are specific!
Tip #2: Describe the Relationship you Want ~
If you don’t start with a vision, you won’t recognize who fits into it and who doesn’t. I knew a divorce attorney who would ask her clients: What do you want your life to look like in 5 years? Because that’s what she was going to fight for. In order to avoid having to implement that strategy later, implement it NOW! If you want a partner who likes to take weekends away and socialize with friends, state that. Maybe you want someone who will get up at 5 am and love every minute of a strong morning fitness routine, state that. If you want to know that he/she is down for binging horror flicks and pizza, that would be important to say too! When you know what you want, it will be easy to feel the energy of what you don’t want when it shows up.
Tip #3: Use only pics from the last 6 months ~
Yes, I still need to tell people this regularly. You don’t have to post many pics, but they do have to be accurate representations of who will be showing up when you meet. (This also goes for highly filtered selfies.) If you must post pics that are older than 6 months ago, have a reason for posting them. Maybe you traveled someplace super cool and you want to post a pic from there, or maybe you finished a marathon and you’re proud of that accomplishment – sure! Post that pic! But DO NOT POST the pic from 3 years ago when you and your buddies rented the Ferrari for a day in Vegas or the pic with you & your girlfriends when you had the best hair day. No one cares on either side: men don’t care what you looked like 3 years ago & women don’t care what car you sat in to look cool. Both will want you to be authentic in your presentation of yourself, both on and offline. When you find someone you click with and want to date, you’ll have plenty of time to share your favorite pics.
Tip #4: Dating is a Numbers Game~
Just like the Lottery slogan, “You’ve got to be in it to win it!” That was a catchy tagline for the state lottery system. Thank goodness online dating holds way better odds of winning the jackpot than the lottery does! When our only way of meeting people to date was “organically” when we were out living our lives, or by being setup by friends, it still took dating a fair amount of people to find a lasting relationship. With online dating, there is so much more access to so many more people that it can seem like the chances are slim that you can find what you want. That’s why I refer you back to Tips 1,2, & 3 😊
When you narrow your dating pool, state what you are looking for in your profile, and post pics that accurately reflect you as you are today, then your next step is to start making those connections. With online dating, you could seemingly go on a date every night, but see Tip 5 for how to go about meeting someone you’ve chatted with in a way that doesn’t waste your time if they are not a love match.
Tip #5: You Don’t Have to Decide the Fate of Your Relationship Before You Meet~
The 1st meeting is just a meeting to find out if you actually want to go on a date another time. One of the biggest mistakes people make when online dating is that they expect the first meeting to be a formal date. Its often drinks, dinner, a concert or other event. This mistake also seems to be the one that causes the biggest turnoff and retreat online dating Please, stop doing this. The first meeting is simply to spend a short amount of time to decide if you actually would want to go on a date with the person. You already know you think each other are attractive. Maybe you’ve chatted a bit on the app and think you have some things in common. When you meet for your time-limited 1st meeting, you really are there to see if you can make conversation with each other and if there is any chemistry between the two of you. The meeting should be at a coffee shop or possibly at the dog park (if you’ve got one who needs a walk). Besides the obstacle of alcohol becoming part of a first “date”, which clouds our judgment, there is the time factor involved and the social norms when we meet for something more open-ended. I know I made this mistake myself over the years, and when you really know what you want, sitting across the dinner table from someone who really isn’t that, makes for a long evening.
