Men’s Group Therapy in San Diego: Peak Performance

Our new men’s group therapy is starting!

                 Peak Performance for Modern Men

Are you a man between 22-30 years old who struggles with feeling like you’ve got your life on track? Do you want a relationship, but have been hurt before and just have avoided dating altogether? Wish you felt more confident? Well, there’s a new group starting here at Coaching Through Chaos just for you! If you’ve never been to a men’s group therapy session, don’t worry, this group will feel more like an interactive class. We want you to get the most out of this experience!

Group Facilitator:

Josh Hudson, IMF (619) 881-0051 ext. 5

Group Mission:

To help men find and keep their ideal partner by teaching them to reach their full potential and accept themselves in the process.

Start Date:

TBD (approx. end of February 2017)

Location:

Coaching Through Chaos 2535 Camino Del Rio South, Suite 355 San Diego, CA. 92108

Who’s it for?

Men, age 22-30, who wish to feel more confident, more assertive, develop healthy relationships and understand themselves better.

Topics to Covered*:

• Building Self-Confidence

• Stress Coping Skills

• How to Develop Healthy Relationships

• How to handle Rejection

• Overcoming Relationship Fears

• How to Set and Achieve Goals

Age:

22-30 (if you know someone who could benefit from this group and they are above or below this age range, please let me know – I’d love to find a group for them).

Cost:

$30 per session, pre-paid (cash/check/charge/HSA).

Format:

• Weekly for 8 consecutive weeks

• 1 Hour

• Educational- there will be weekly topics for group learning & discussion For more info and to make referrals, contact Josh: (619)881-0051 ext. 5.  

*Topics may change based on group needs. Please call with any questions you may have. 

Josh Hudson
Josh Hudson, IMF

Josh Hudson is Supervised by Dr. Colleen Mullen, MFC43476

Positive Solutions For Misbehavior

                                                                                               Written by: Valerie Holcomb, MFTI
Often, your child’s misbehavior is not as intentional as you may think.  How parents respond to the behavior can influence how often and in what way children repeat that behavior. How a parent reacts to unintentional misbehavior may determine whether that behavior will be repeated as a way to achieve one of the four goals of misbehavior: attention, power, revenge, and displaying inadequacy. following are some quick but impactful positive solutions for the misbehavior.


Here are some cooperative strategies to help you help your children feel encouraged and empowered by addressing the above misbehaviors:


• If your child’s goal is to seek attention, then try redirecting by involving your child in a useful task that is age-appropriate to gain attention. For instance, say what you will do. For example, have faith in your child to sit with his or her feelings, don’t rescue. Finally, plan regular special time together.
• If your child’s goal is to be the boss or have power then try redirecting to positive power by asking for help. Offer limited choices and don’t fight or give in. You can be firm and kind, and decide what you will do.
• If your child wants to get even or has revenge then acknowledge his or her feelings. Avoid punishment and instead build trust. It’s okay to share your own feelings and try to make amends. The point is to show that you care.
• If your child wants to give up or displays inadequacy then try breaking the task down to smaller steps. Refrain from criticizing and encourage any positive attempt. This is an opportunity for you to have faith in your child’s abilities. This is a chance for you to teach your child by showing how, but don’t do it for him.
Remember if your child is having a hard time, interrupting, throwing tantrums, being rude, or simply not trying, this doesn’t mean you are an unsuccessful parent or that your child is unruly. It means that it’s most likely a time to begin aiming for solutions to solve the problem and modeling the cooperation and respect that your child deserves.

What does your child’s misbehavior mean?

Recognizing the Four Goals of Your Child’s Misbehavior

                                                                                                                                                                   By: Valerie Holcomb, IMF

When raising kids, it’s important to understand that misbehavior happens, even with the best-behaved kids.  When your child misbehaves, there are motivations for those behaviors (even if they are really frustrating for you).  Very often, there is something paradoxical going on unconsciously for the child that results in the misbehaving.. There are psychological theories that suggest that a child’s misbehavior happens, generally, because he or she wants to have a sense of belonging and a guaranteed place in one’s family. Additionally, a situation may happen where the child displays a series of bad behaviors.   When this occurs, the misbehavior is not so easily understood.         

                                                                                                                                                               frustrated parent with kids engaging in misbehavior

Rudolph Dreikurs was psychiatrist who adapted Alfred Adler’s holistic psychological theory to his work with understanding children’s behavior.  Dreikurs took the child’s entire environment into account when seeking to explain their behavior.   Dreikur’s provided reason to believe that a child misbehaves to achieve one of the following goals:
• Attention
• Power
• Revenge
• Display of inadequacy

Attention

A child believes he or she can belong only by having others pay attention to them. Some ways they can gain attention are by interrupting, clowning around, or in some cases be passive and not do their chores. A parent can recognize attention seeking by being aware of how they feel, for instance, you might feel annoyed or become impatient.

Power:

A child who is having a power struggle generally wants to be the boss or have their own way. He or she might actively throw a tantrum, make demands, and argue. The opposite is that he or she might be stubborn or do a task their parents want, but slowly and sloppily. You can recognize this goal by when you feel angry or determined to regain control.

Revenge:

A child who is displaying revenge might be rude or say hurtful things, as well as become violent. Sometimes a child will inactively give hurtful looks and refuse to cooperate. Typically, this type of child wants to get even. In result, the parent feels hurt and sometimes resentful. Furthermore, you might try to punish the child and their response is to seek further revenge.

Display of Inadequacy:

A child will act as if he or she is inferior, unskilled or unsuccessful towards something. They eventually believe they are helpless and want to reflect that they cannot be relied upon. A parent will become aware of this behavior when they begin to feel confused and helpless. Sadly, a parent will believe that there is nothing more that can be accomplished. When this happens, a child might respond passively or lack a response.

In summary, remembering these four points should help the parents to stay calm. It’s important to not blame yourself, remember it’s easy to have an opinion about parenting, but the most challenging thing you’ll ever do!

Please follow this blog for upcoming posts to help intervene and even prevent these unwanted behaviors as well as for so may other helpful life management strategies.

Zander Keig: Beyond Race Or Gender

Zander Keig, LCSW 

shares with us his experiences, indicative of a deeper causality of discrimination
that taps into a primal fear of 'the other' that transcends race or gender...

Podcast available
Play

I met Zander

at a friend's house-warming party.  We spoke of working within the government agency system of therapy and had a lively discussion.  I went home and "friended" him on Facebook  - I then discovered my new friend was quite a fascinating person, having lived a life of social advocacy for the LGBTQ population.  It was when I clicked on a link to his website that I saw he was not only an advocate, but a well-respected person in that community who had actually gone through the transition from female to male. 

Zander Keig is a unique individual, not only because he used to be a she, but because his life has been one of overcoming tremendous hardships, starting at birth. When Zander was born, the doctor predicted he would be dead, but he was not.  Then when he was 6, he developed encephalitis - he went into a coma and when he awoke, he had to relearn some basic life skills all over again.  Zander's life since then has been a journey of self-discovery and social advocacy.

 

Zander and I discuss:

  • His early life struggles and some family reflections
  • Why he identified with the "separatist lesbian" community and what that meant for him
  • How and when he began identifying as "trans"
  • Why he feared Testosterone
  • How he and his wife created a relaiotnship that has withstood the stress of transitioning
  • How his education helped him understand those that did not understand him
  • Why he decided to edit and write books and articles on the subject of transitioning when his own transition is a very private experience
  • Why trans men are often invisible in our society
  • How intentionality informs his relationship with his wife
  • The strange thing that happened when he went from being seen by society as a 1st-generation Mexican-American lesbian to a highly-educated white male - where did his culture go? 
  • The prejudices he experienced both pre and post transition were not what you'd think! 

Questions and Comments

Although we have comments turned off this blog in general, Zander welcomes your questions and comments.  Feel free to email me DrMullen@CoachingThroughChaos.com, or leave a comment or a question on my facebook page  and I will be happy to pass it on.  

 

Resources

Zander speaks of some of the books he's edited, the documentary being produced about his life journey and his website.  Here is where you can find those resources:

Website:  ZanderKeig.net

Film: Episodes of Zanderology

Books Zander has been involved in, including Manning Up and Letters for My Brothers can be found here

 

 

Awkward Correction on my part

I realized when listening back to the produced episode that I was saying "LGBT and trans" when, of course in LGBT the T stands for trans - I don't know why I was saying it that way, but that's how it came out.  To anyone that thinks I was "not aware" - I am, I just speak faster than I think sometimes and it results in awkward verbal trip-ups.  

 

Coming Up on The Coaching Through Chaos Podcast

I just returned from the Podcast Movement conference for podcasters.  I learned a lot and made so many great new friends.  What I learned has led me to decide to make some changes to the structure of what I bring you here at The Coaching Through Chaos Podcast.  The next episode will actually be a re-boot: I will be telling you about my life journey through chaos, what it means to me and why I am doing what I do.  After that, I'll still be bringing you some great interviews, but you will understand more about what that topic means to me and how it might help you better navigate the chaos in your life. My intention is to bring you a high-quality show and that sometimes means to recognize how and when to make changes in what we are doing here.  That next episode launches August 2, 2016.  

How do you support us? Subscribe and Review

We've set up the podcast so that you can listen on both Android and Apple devices.  We are currently still on the "What's Hot" pages of iTunes in a couple of categories, but we stay there longer when we have more reviews.  When we stay on those pages, we also get seen by more people looking for great new shows to listen to.  We'd love for you to go to chaos.tips/iTunes and leave us a review.  When you're there, be sure to click "subscribe" and set yourself up for auto-downloads of our future episodes.  On non-apple products, you can listen on soundcloud, tunein.com, stitcher, or maybe you already have the "Podcast Addict" app downloaded on your Android phone - when you're in Podcast Addict, just search for Coaching Through Chaos - you can subscribe right there as well! Thanks for all your support so far!!

 

OTHER PODCASTS

FOUND

Have you ever found a note on your car, or found one on the street that was intended for someone else?  Well the people at FOUND Podcast by Wondery Media have developed an intriguing new show in which they work on discovering the origins of these notes.  I met the Wondery Media folks at Podcast Movement and I love what they are developing. I wanted to give them a shot out here and encourage you to check them out! 

 

SHRINK2SHRINK: Like Siskel & Ebert with a Psychological Twist! 

Have you listened to my friend and fellow therapist Courtney Calkins and I chat about our favorite movies yet on Shrink2Shrink? We launched a new monthly show a few months ago- our current episode is Creed, but we have also covered The Martian, Gone Girl, Inside Out, and Train Wreck! Our next episode launches on the last day of July - we'll be talking all relaiotnship and psych aspects of the fun Disney movie Zootopia! If you grew up watching Siskel & Ebert review the movies like Courtney & I did, you'll enjoy this- you'll definitely know if we liked the movie, but we also ad a psychological component to the discussion.  We pull  out our favorite clips from the movie and then we discuss all the relationship and psychological themes of the scene.  It's been great fun and we appreciate all the love and support we have received so far! Check it out Shrink2Shrink on iTunes

 

Until next time.......


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