Staying Zen while Dating Online

Dee Wagner

 ~ co-author of Naked Online, a modern day Zen and the Art of Internet Dating, speaks of some of the trials and tribulations involved with online dating, and how to stay zen in the face of it all


Podcast available

Are YOU One of the 49 Million people in the US who have tried online dating??


I know I am! And I know most of the people I know who have been single in the past 5 years have as well - it seems that there is an endless number of website, apps and services dedicated to helping us find love from the comfort of our  living rooms.  There's Match, eHarmony, PlentyofFish, Zoosk, OKCupid, Craigslist, Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, Hinge ....just to name a few.  I don't know about you, but it can be overwhelming when you even start to think about the prospect of creating a profile- let alone one for all the sites you'd like to try.  My guest today not only found love through online dating, but she wrote a book on staying zen while doing it! Dee Wagner, along with Cathy Jernigan and Dee's partner John Cargill wrote "Naked Online: A DoZen Ways to Grow from Online Dating.  Dee was in the process of writing the book when she met John through her dating journey.  Dee is a psychotherapist, John's a designer and Kathy is a freelance writer.  Together, they designed a manual for keeping your sanity, managing your relationship anxiety and overall staying zen while exploring the universe of online dating. You can find them at


In this interview you'll hear about:

  • How the authors of Naked Online intended the book as a guidebook and how they envision their readers utilizing it
  • How a person can find their "zen" while engaging in the often anxiety provoking behavior of online dating
  • Why it's important to be in love with yourself as you write your online profile
  • The fantasy component to meeting someone online
  • The "Email Checking Addiction" and how to cure it! 
  • Ways our attachment style informs our relationships
  • Why it's so difficult for people to talk about what they want sexually once sex enters their dating relationship
  • Why internet dating can feel lonely even though you may be swimming in a sea of dates! 


Fun facts about Online Dating:

I found so many fun websites with facts & figures about online dating- I thought you'd get a kick out of them -

Here goes:

Pew Research - 5 Facts about Online Dating

The Richest - 20 Shocking Facts about Online Dating

Huffington Post - Online Dating Tips

Statistic Brain - Online Dating Statistics

Guest Resources

You can find Dee Wagner  at:


Twitter: @LustierLife

Amazon: Naked Online: a DoZen Ways to Grow from Online Dating






Amazon has selected the following suggestions related to internet dating that may also interest you

5 Ways to Maximize Your Child’s Potential

One of the most difficult jobs people have today, is raising a child. Parenting a child is

challenging and there are no rule books or manuals on how best to raise an emotionally healthy

child or teen. How can parents respond in ways that foster a child's self-esteem and promote a

positive self image? By identifying a child's strengths and altering one's parenting style to

facilitate the growth of these strengths, children and teens will develop self-confidence, values,

a secure sense of self and will allow them to reach their maximum potential.



Strengths are identified as tasks or actions that we do well. These may include talents, abilities,

or skills.When identifying your child's strengths, look at your child's natural talents. Identify

which activities or environments that they're drawn to. Are there particular skills that they learn

easily or do them become engrossed in certain activities? Are there activities your child

participates in that is met with joy and enthusiasm? Once you can identify your child's strengths,

then it's time to develop them!


Facilitating the development of your child's strengths is most easily done when parents are

focused on what their child does well, rather than focusing on their weaknesses. When

developing a child's strength, parents should encourage a child to pursue what they're good at.

Accepting and celebrating a child's unique strengths is key! This can be especially hard for

parents if their child's strengths and natural talents are not what we thought they'd be.


It can be especially challenging for a parent to point out strengths when their child misbehaves

or violates a parent's trust. However, during troublesome and complicated situations, children

and teens need to be supported in order to gain insight into the situation and develop strategies

to effectively manage similar situations differently in the future. Parents can be supporting during

these distressing times by REFRAMING problematic situations by identifying which aspects

were positive, PRAISE positive choices made by your child, and REVIEW the situation and

allow your child to explore ways in which they could have handled the situation differently in the

future to ensure a better outcome.


Accept your child's positive attributes as well as their weaknesses. Each child is unique and

differences should be celebrated!


Developing your child's strengths is best facilitated when parents know their own individual

strengths. This provides a framework for parents and children alike to learn and grown in a

unique and specific manner.

Strength based parenting can be challenging at first and requires on-going learning. However,

once you learn the technique that is the best fit for you and your child, then it becomes

exponentially easier. For more information on how to utilize Strength-Based Parenting visit:

Preserving Intimacy while Raising Young Children

Quentin Hafner, LMFT

 ~ practicing in Orange County, Quentin shares tips on how couples can maintain their intimacy when they start having kids.

Check out Quentin's upcoming workshop



Begins July 01, 2016

Podcast available

Quentin Hafner, LMFT

Preserving intimacy is a tough chore for many couples, but particularly when couples enter the baby-making stage of their relationship it can become quite difficult.  Quentin Hafner is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in Costa Mesa, CA where he specializes in couples therapy and working with Dad’s and husbands. 

In particular, Quentin loves working with couples that have young children and are striving to navigate this difficult life-state transition.  Quentin is living his own work and through his own experience and education has come to greatly understand the inner workings of how relationships can change once baby (or babies) come along.  

Preserving Intimacy when Children Enter your Life

In this episode you will hear:

  • How Quentin's experience informs his own work.
  • Why pregnancy can add stress to a relationship
  • 3 Things every 1st time expectant couple should anticipate
  • If there really is a "best time" to have a baby
  • The biggest obstacle to relationship satisfaction in the early months of parenthood
  • How couples can  keep their sex life alive when they have n infant or a toddler int he home
  • Why taking time away from the baby or the kids is so important to preserving intimacy
  • How parents can find creative ways to get sitters they trust so they can have some couple time

Want to learn more?  Quentin has a special offer for Coaching Through Chaos listeners

On July 1st, 2016 Quentin is launching his online workshop "Re-Connecting Marriage Workshop; an 8-week online marriage workshop for parents with young children".  When you register for this workshop and mention Coaching Through Chaos, you will receive a 50% discount off the cost of it! How great is that?! 



Workshop Site:


Amazon has selected the following suggestions that may also interest you